A Dad's Life

Just for Dads

2011-02-27T21:29:00.000-08:00

Finally a forum for all dads with children with special needs. I have searched high and low on the internet for such a thing, to end up having one done. If you know a dad who has a child with special needs, tell them about this, and have them stop in. Although the title says "Spokane" Fathers Network, my goal is to have this spread out across the nation. As the facilitator for the Spokane group, and being on the Steering Committee, I think this will be a very good thing for our organization.

We have topics for: Friends, Family, Work, Finances, Hospital, Doctors, Sports, Outdoor Activities, Our Kids Accomplishments, A Brag Area and even the Off Topic where we can talk about all other things. So please, share with your friends, and lets get the Dad's involved!

The week wrap up - on Thursday!

2011-02-24T23:00:00.000-08:00

What a week already. I'm ready for the weekend to start. As long as tomorrow does not bring any heart stopping moments, all will be well.

It's pretty hard to work full time and not worry about your family, especially an 8 year old daughter who is unaware of what might be going on around her. What do you do, how do you react to phone calls when something goes wrong? You take it in and realize there is nothing you can really do - other than trust your spouse is taking care of what needs to be done.

I got a call on Monday morning, and there was a sad little girl in the background. She was scared. My wife informed me Zoe just choked on one of her little toys, but she was fine. My first comment was "throw all the little toys away - we don't want that to happen again." My wife and I are in sync, because she had already started doing that. As a parent, you want to be there for those moments. You want to make sure everything is ok, and the thought of being helpless is scary. There is nothing you can do when you are away - and that sucks. The scary little girl became happy not too long after, when her fear of the unknown left and she got back to her normal routine (minus any small toys).

We had a small amount of snow fall yesterday, but with the temperature being just right, the snow turned to ice on the roads right away. Sometime around noon my wife asked if she could drop off some lunch, which was very sweet. She was on her way to take Zoe to a therapy and was going right past my work place. I declined, talked for a few minutes and got back to work. About 1 hour later I got another phone call, and it was one that I didn't like. My wife informed me she and Zoe were all right, but the car needed a new bumper. I thought she was joking with me, which we do sometimes, but she told me this was not a joke. On her way home from therapy, she spun around on the road and slid into the guard rail. Immediately I asked if she and Zoe were ok, what happened, etc., and just felt like garbage that I could not do anything to protect them from what happened. They are both fine, nothing happened except to the car (and no one else was involved). The car is something we can get fixed, but if something happened to them it would be horrible.

That night after the accident, while we were watching tv, Zoe stood up and started spinning in a circle and said "Wee, Wee, Wee". My wife and I both laughed for a while and then I asked Zoe "what happened in the car with mommy today?". She went back to the middle of the room and started spinning in a circle again and said "Wee, Wee, Wee". It was too cute. I'm glad we can have laughter at something that happened like the accident. My daughter cracks me up a lot, and for that I am grateful.

I have never been a person who worries about things, other than my family being safe. I don't worry about the future really, for some reason I know everything will be ok. I don't worry about money (which we don't have), because I remember growing up and being on food stamps and everything was ok. I don't worry about things much, because I can't change what's going to happen. I can prepare for things, but whatever is going to happen will happen. If I worry about things, my life would be different in a way that I probably would not like. I was talking to the Fathers Network Director about another dad from the past and he gave me a quote that he told that dad a long time ago. The quote pretty much fit what my life has been like the past 8 years since Zoe was born. Basically, he told the other dad "don't worry about tomorrow, live today". I like that quote, because we can't change tomorrow until it happens. If we worry about it, what would that do to how you live today?

Little girls and daddy

2011-02-20T22:18:00.000-08:00

What a great weekend! Saturday morning Zoe was on the local news with a bunch of other kids. It is soon the start of Bambino Baseball. It's pretty awesome to watch your daughter (who you never thought would be able to play any sport) participate in a baseball game. I thought it was awesome the local news station would do a small little bit on the little league, but thought they might go into more depths about children with special needs playing with the typically developing children. Oh well, she was on the news, and I was able to get a photo of her with 2 local news people.

After the news, we all went to the local golf show as a family. I know my wife really didn't want to go, but I was very happy she decided to join us. I had a buddy who was at a booth promoting the golf course he works at, so we started to make our way there. Along the way, a very nice gentleman stopped me and asked if we had gotten Zoe her FREE golf club yet. I said no and he proceeded to take us to his booth and gave Zoe her first club. It is a driver, complete with head cover. She was so happy and proud and insisted she carry it around for the rest of the time (we had to take it away a couple of times as she continued to swing it all around and almost hit a few people). It was kind of funny at times watching her carry it like her best friend. At times she would put it in front of her, popping it up and down as she tried to walk, which caused her to fall over. It was hard not to laugh with her, but I managed to keep it under control as the people around just wouldn't understand.

I can't wait to actually get a ball in front of her and help her hit the ball. Maybe in a few years we can get out on the course a couple of times. I think I am going to look at joining up with First Tee when the time gets closer. I talked to a PGA Tour players wife today who is very involved with First Tee and she told me they would definitely help a child with special needs. She also mentioned that her and her husband are very active in charity events, and would like to help out with our golf tournament we are putting on. I hope it pans out.

I love getting kisses from a gooey face, and hearing the words "I wuv ew daddy". I got a lot of that this weekend, and they always make me warm inside.

Why is there not much out there for dads?

2011-02-08T21:57:00.000-08:00

As the facilitator for the local Fathers Network group ("A powerful voice for fathers of children with special needs"), I have not found a lot of information out there for dads. Every search I did with Google came back with 95% moms and 5% family related sites. Not a single one for specifically dedicated to dads! Well, besides the Fathers Network, but I am trying to find more out there. Why is that? What makes dad's so different from mothers? I don't think there is much of a difference, so I will be undergoing a new task - produce one!

Over the past 8 months I've had a burning in my heart to get the local chapter of the Fathers Network going in a great direction, and seem to be making the small steps needed. We have been going through the motions for the past 4 years since I took over, and we have been successful with our progress. But my heart was not totally in what I was doing. I would conduct the meetings, enjoy the communication and exchanges of views, but after the meeting was done, I seemed to lose my interest until the next meeting. The information was valuable, but for me it just didn't affect me like I thought it would.

I don't know what happened about 8 months ago, but I'm sure it was something Zoe did and the light clicked. Here is a beautiful little girl, full of love and always smiling, about to start growing up in a society which will treat her differently than most people. I knew that I had to start making a change, for her, for others that have a disability, and for society to realize what they would be missing if they didn't get to know these individuals. I know my daughter is destined for great things, and she will accomplish her purpose of why she was placed on this earth. I owe it to her, myself, and others, to start making changes where I can as a dad.

With all Zoe has taught me in the past 8 years, I know she has a bright future.

Dad's, we shall soon have a place!

Time to get back to it

2011-02-07T22:58:00.000-08:00

What an end to the year, and the beginning of a new one. Too many things have been going on where you get distracted and don't find time to do any updates. Lets see if we can get back into the swing of things.

What has happened since my last post? One thing that I did not post about was Zoe's Grandpa passing. It was a sad ending to the year. He was too young to leave us. Zoe still asks about his, saying "Pa", not understanding he is no longer with us. It brings a sadness to my heart when I hear those words. You will not be forgotten Sammy! That happened before Thanksgiving, so the holidays pretty much sucked all around. Don't get me wrong, they were fun with family and spending time together, but the fact that my father in law was not with us anymore, well, just sucked.

I was able to take a few days off at the end of the year, which provided some great times involving snow, a plastic sled and a little 8 year old girl. Zoe had a blast sledding down the hill to our house, and actually went by herself a few times. One time in particular she turned a little to the right and went straight into a snow bank. Her snow pants slipped on the sled and forced her into the snow head first. It wasn't much, just about 1" of snow on her nose, and she let out the happiest laugh. Those were a few great days that ended the year just right.

2011 rolled around and we found our whole family pretty much sick for the first 4 weeks. Zoe just got over pneumonia about 1 week ago, missing almost 2 weeks of school. She started the year having a cold, where she missed about 3 days of school. I really hate seeing my little girl act like a bump on a log. Her face shows no emotion, she has no energy to move and just looks at us with sad puppy dog eyes that need some rest. When I normally come home from work, she is at the top of the stairs yelling "Daddy, nummmmy" meaning she wants to share my dinner with me. This is a normal thing that has happened in the past 4 months or so, which is pretty cool. However, during her sickness, she barely said "Hi" to me when I came home. I did not like it at all.

A little over a week ago, I came home from work, and peaked over the stairway wall and there was my little angel with bright eyes, and a cleared up face. She was getting back to being herself. Life started to get good again! The sickness was going away, and my little energizer bunny was getting her charge back.

This past week I have been redoing the website for the Fathers Network, and finally got it finished. We are putting together a golf tournament to benefit the Arc and the Fathers Network, and the website was in dire need of a face lift. Now that the site is up and running with the information on it, I can now concentrate on the other things that need my attention (this and some other items).

I look forward to a great year (after such a horrible start).

Time sure does fly

2010-11-20T14:58:00.000-08:00

There has been so much that has happened since my last blog entry, I can't believe it has almost been a month. What's more unbelievable, is the fact Zoe turned 8 years old yesterday. It seemed like only a month ago when she was brought into this world. Time has gone by way too fast.

Here is a picture of the kids that came to her birthday party. What a fun time it was. We rented a place that does parties, called Jump and Bounce, for a couple of hours. They have about 10 large jumping toys and slides. Every kid was running wild up and down the slide, into the blow up maze, and even into the boxing ring pictured here.

I stopped about half way through the party and just watched in amazement. Here we had 11 out of 16 kids with a disability, playing with each other and having fun. For someone to look from the outside, they would see typically developing children. It was awesome! I hope for the day, that society does not put labels on our children who have a disability, and accepts them as being the same as them - typical! That day can't come soon enough.

Happy Birthday Zoe - I love you so much. You continue to amaze me everyday, and I can't wait for what the future holds for you and for us.

We never give them enough credit!

2010-10-25T18:50:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what our little children know, which we don't give enough credit for.

Zoe and her mommy just walked in the door from therapy, to find me watching football (what else is there to watch on Monday night). Dinner was almost ready to serve, and I was sitting in my chair. 2 minutes after they walked in the door, Zoe looked at me and said "Abby", which means she wanted to watch Sesame Street.

Of course there was no way I was wanted to change the channel, so I looked at her and asked "don't you want to watch football with daddy?". She said "NO" and replied "Abby" one more time. This actually went on for a few more minutes, back and forth me asking her to watch football with me, she saying no and asking to watch Abby. I got up out of the chair to check on dinner, and right behind me was Zoe, following pretty close. I stopped at the counter and 2 seconds later the remote control was placed on the counter in front of me and the words "Abby" came out 1 more time. I laughed and smiled really big, told her how smart she was and begged her to watch football. I finally won.

After dinner was done, I got up to put away a couple of things, and Zoe followed me into the kitchen. There was a pot holder on the counter, and she grabbed it and handed it to me. She was helping me clean up, which was pretty nice. As soon as she gave me the pot holder, she bent down and opened the drawer to show me where to put it. Once again, I smiled and gave her a hug and told her how smart she was.

We sat down to watch a little more football, she was right next to me in my chair cuddling with me. She gave me a hug, and once again told me "Abby". I finally caved and switched the channel. The smile on her face was priceless, and she jumped off the chair and planted herself in front of the tv. About 5 seconds after sitting on the floor, she turned to me, smiled and put her arms around herself - telling me she wanted a hug. She was thankful for getting to watch Abby, and I am thankful for such a wonderful little girl.

Just because a child has a disability, it doesn't mean they don't know what's going on!

Day to day

2010-10-05T11:25:00.000-07:00

Its so much fun to get phone calls from my wife, no matter what our daughter is up to (good or bad). There are two phone calls in particular.

Saturday morning I was in Seattle for a Fathers Conference (for fathers who have a child with a disability). Before the conference started I called my wife to see how their morning was going. I listened in the background and heard Zoe crying and basically throwing a little tantrum. She did not want to be in the car, but would rather be anywhere else. The little tantrum continued throughout the day, and my guess, would have to be the amount of sleep vs. all the activities Zoe has throughout the week.

This morning I received another phone call, actually 2. The first call was from a happy girl who was so proud of her growth, she had to tell her daddy. Last night she had physical therapy and had some good work done on her back and shoulders. This morning, my wife measured her (we have a wall chart in the pantry closet), and she was 44" tall (she grew a bit). She was so proud of her growth she wanted me to know, but when I answered the phone she decided she wanted to get back in the closet.

The second call I received, which was about 15 minutes after the first, was one that does not happen very often. My little girl did her business in the toilet, which is the 2nd time ever, and she again wanted me to know. I immediately praised her and told her how happy I was!

Phone calls like these are awesome! If there was a way to be home all the time, that would be better. But, until retirement comes, the calls every now and then like this are just wonderful!

Just sometimes......

2010-09-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I find myself wondering how my life would be different if my child was typically developing. I really hate myself when I am doing it, and stop when I do. I love my daughter more than anything in this world, and am so thankful that she has disabilities. She has opened my eyes so much, and opened my heart even more.

She has taught me the true meaning of love!
She has taught me how to be a good person!
She has taught me how to care!
She has taught me about life!

I am a better person because she is in my life. I would not change anything about her if I were given the chance. I would not change anything about my life.

But there are times when I see little girls running around in the school yard and I try to picture what would be different. At those moments I get a little tingle in my body and am so grateful for having her just as she is.

My wife and I are so lucky!

I love you Zoe!

Joys of Growing Up

2010-09-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

When your child has a disability, there are times when some activities become exciting. Some of these activities happen much sooner in a typically developing child, and might not bring as much joy to a parents heart. Over the last couple days we've had two of these activities happen.

We have been working on potty training for many, many years now with Zoe, with a little success. So far there have been a few times when she has mentioned "potty" and we have taken her to the bathroom where she has been successful. But there have been a lot more times when she has said that, but meant she already went.

Friday during work I received a call from my wife. She informed me Zoe told one of her teachers "potty" and her diaper was dry and she actually had to go. This was a first and a very exciting moment. Something might be catching on after many years. Zoe got a lot of praise!

The other item that took place is something that can be very dangerous with a child who has issues walking. No matter what we do, Zoe wants to do it as well. The one thing she has been wanting to do on her own for the past year was walk up the stairs. This has never been an option for us, and will be a concern for a few years still.

However, over the past 2 weeks, Zoe has insisted she walks on her own and says "I do, I do, I do". We have been very careful to hold on to her as she walks up 1 step at a time, holding on the the hand rail the whole time. Well, the other day she had an issue with my wife holding on as she started up the first step, insisting she do it by herself. With my wife standing close behind, Zoe took one step at a time and walked up the stairs on her own. There were a couple of times she would have fallen back, but she still managed to do the whole flight of stairs, one by one. Since that time, she has decided she wants to do it on her own when she can. We will have to be behind her each time, and keep a very close watch on her every step, but some day she will be running up and down like any typically developing child!

Dear Zoe - 11-21-02

2010-09-10T15:31:00.000-07:00

I'm back, for a short time only. Your mom just got here and got to go in and see you. She didn't look that good. She's been dying to see you, as have I. Just before your mom showed up, your grandpa got to see you a second time. Boy, did he almost lose it. He, of all people, needs to be strong for your mom and me.

So far your little operation hasn't been a success - but I'll write more about that later. But I want you to know that you are in God's hands!

Letters to Zoe - My Darling Daughter

2010-09-09T14:27:00.000-07:00

11-20-02

Blessings have filled my life today,
    A daughter has come to me,
A lot smaller than we all had thought,
    Like a grain of sand, in the sea.
Less than a pound at time of birth,
    Many trials to come your way,
Love is the backbone to your beginning,
    Many prayers we all will say.
God has graced us with a blessing,
    knowing we were the perfect pair,
Not any parent would do for Him,
    He knew of the special care.
Hard times seem to come and go,
    We know there will be more,
We will make it though this time,
    For our love will be the cure!

Letters to Zoe during her first months in the NICU

2010-09-09T12:57:00.000-07:00

On November 19th, my wife and I were blessed with a gift from God. Zoe was brought into this world a little earlier than we would have liked, but due to medical conditions, we had no choice. At 10:37 she showed up weighing 15 ounces and 10 1/4 inches long. Yes, she weighed less than a bottle of soda.

The picture above was taken right after she was born. You can see my wedding ring all the way around her arm. Yes, she was very, very small!

The place she was born was not set up for a premature baby of her size, so she and I were flown the next morning to the NICU in Spokane where she stayed for the next 8 months. I have many stories to tell of her time spent there, some happy and some very sad.

We lived a little over 2 hours away from Spokane at the time. My wife stayed with Zoe and spent the next 8 months in the Ronald McDonald House (if you get a chance to donate to them - please do). I traveled back home every Sunday and came back to see my girls on Friday after work. It was so hard being away during the week, only being able to talk on the phone. While I was home during the week, and at times on the weekends, I spent time writing letters to Zoe so one day she would know what her beginnings were like.

The posts to follow (when I have time) and between other posts - will be called "Dear Zoe".

Dear Zoe, 11-21-2002
Dear Zoe, I was given a book today titled "Letters to Zoe" about a grandfather writing letter to his newborn granddaughter. Like you, she was premature at birth - but a little bigger. I was inspired to do the same, so you would know what was going on during this time in your life.

Where do I begin? I guess I'll start by saying you are currently 41 hours and 30 minutes old. You are so tiny, I can't explain how small you are. You were born on 11-19-02 at 10:37pm, weighed an amazing 440 grams (around 15 ounces) and were 10 1/4 inches big. At this moment, you are getting prepped to have a tube placed in your leg - a necessity to give you the fluids you need. I am in the waiting room - waiting. Your mother was released from the hospital about 1 hour ago - and is on her way her to see you. You are so beautiful - and tiny. You have a perfect body - all your fingers and toes, hair on your head, eyebrows, fingernails and toenails. Sometimes you open your eyes to display to me those wonderful eyes. I'm sure you are asking "How did I get here".

With that, I will leave the rest of the letter out, as it goes on about my wife and I meeting.

The Simple Things - Mac & Cheese!

2010-09-04T13:37:00.000-07:00

Last night when I came home from work, I had a nice surprise waiting for me: Mac & Cheese with Hamburger. Little to my surprise, it seems to be one of the foods that Zoe can eat, and does pretty good at.

The therapists, Darci and I have been trying a lot of different items for her to eat. She does not chew her food, so things need to be in a pudding consistency. We have found that small noodles are items that Zoe has no problem with and will eat them one at a time.

I remember 2 years ago, Darci mentioned that she like Mac & Cheese, and asked if I would give her a little bite. At the time, I was not thinking, and gave Zoe a whole noodle. This may not seem like much, but for a little girl who has not really eaten anything by mouth, especially that big, things don't go as planned. She got the noodle stuck, gagged, and had a hard time breathing. After a few pats on the back, it became loose and she spit it out. Since that day, I have not offered anything but 1/4 of a noodle when I share my Mac & Cheese.

Back to last night. As I was feeding her the 1/4 sized noodles, I figured I would see how she would do with one that was twice as big. She seemed to handle it with ease, and we moved up to a bite that was 3/4 of the noodle. Once again, no problem with the amount. Here came a full noodle - and she smiled big after she had eaten it. This went on for about 40-50 whole noodles when she finally said "Dun". She had eaten so much, and we were so proud of her!

We just now finished lunch, and guess what we tried again, yes - Mac & Cheese! But this time, it was plain and all for Zoe. I measured out 1/4 cup and put it in a bowl for her. One by one she munched until there was about 15 noodles left. She looked at me and again said "Dun" with the biggest smile. She knew she had done something that made Darci and I proud, and we let her know!

I filled up the bowl and started in on some for myself, and about 1/4 the way through, Zoe looked at me and said "Nummy". She wanted more and I couldn't believe it. She had about 20 more noodles before we were all done with the bowl.

Things are going in the right direction, and soon she will be cutting her own steak.

1st Day of School

2010-09-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

Yes, this is the happy smile that we get to see all the time. Yesterday was the first day back to school, and Zoe was very excited.

At the end of the day, the teacher told my wife how much she thought Zoe had grown. Last year, she really wasn't that talkative, but yesterday she was very verbal. Over the summer, she added a few more words, and actually started putting more words together. The teachers got to see this first hand, and seemed like they were pretty pleased.

The other big change over last year, Zoe is not as clingy to adults as she was the previous year. I had to laugh at that when my wife relayed that to me, as I think she is very clingy to us and other adults. I am very happy to actually hear that she did more with the other kids in the classroom than she had done last year.

When I got home from work, Zoe was excited to see me, as usual. She had a little extra excitement to her, and I'm sure it was there because she was happy school had started. I asked her if she liked school and if she had a good day, and her response was "yyuuuss".

I look forward to a great school year!

2nd Grade Starting

2010-08-31T10:17:00.000-07:00

Where has the time gone? Here is my daughter, starting 2nd grade tomorrow, who seemed like just yesterday she was beginning to walk.

Last night was an open house at the school, where we got to meet the teachers and other children that will be with Zoe for the year. Luckily for us, it is mostly the same kids and teachers as last year.

After we got to the school, we entered into the classroom where the teachers were waiting on the kids to arrive. Zoe looked up, saw her teachers from last year and smiled from ear to ear. She immediately said "OOOOOOOOOOO", which is what she calls one of her teachers. She ran over and gave her a hug, and then went to the other teachers and did the same.

It was nice to see the other kids as they made their way into the room. They all remembered Zoe, and said Hi to her. She smiled and replied "Hewwwo". I think she is excited for school to begin.

Our little girl is growing up quickly.

Frustrating Moments

2010-08-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

Last night my wife told me a story of a family who has 2 children in our community, who have special needs. Without going into too much detail, they are having problems with the local school district. After my wife had informed me what was going on, I was so frustrated.

In a nut shell, one of the people in authority with the district finally came out and told this family their child did not belong with the typically developing children. This person went on to say the other kids (typically developing) would not play with them on the playground, so they should keep them out of that class room setting.

Wow. A child has no reservations, and wants to play with other kids. They don't know the hatred yet towards someone who is different, until we have people telling them to do so. What makes our child different than any others?

When will society wake up and realize just because someone is different in their own way, they have a heart and feelings? Do we have so far to go still? A child has no reservations towards people, until they are taught to be so.

But to have this come from a person within the school district is just mind blowing.

FRUSTRATED!

Food for thought

2010-08-18T10:39:00.000-07:00

There are many times in life we take things for granted. One of them is the simple task of feeding your face. We eat breakfast, lunch, dinner and many times throughout the day we snack on things which taste good to us. Once we learn this at an early age, we just go through the process.

Many people are not capable of performing this task, due to one reason or another. For Zoe, it is a complicated process to eat through the mouth. When she left from the hospital at 8 months old, Zoe ate like a typical child does, from a bottle. At that time, we thought everything was going to be smooth sailing.

1 year after leaving the hospital, we ran into a situation that required some immediate attention. Zoe quit taking the bottle by clamping down and not eating at all. At that time, she weighed 16 pounds. We had the hardest time feeding her, and she began to lose weight. After many doctor's visits and tests, we found out she had very bad reflux, which made eating painful for her. We were put into a situation that needed a solution in a hurry.

We met with a wonderful surgeon, who had performed an operation on her when she was only 2 days old. He recommended having a feeding tube installed, and explained the whole procedure. It was hard to agree to, but we figured that was our only option as normal bottle feeds were not working.

Zoe has been using the feeding tube now for about 6 years. It's a very simple process, but one that seems anything but enjoyable for her. She does not taste the food or feel the texture. We have been going to a feeding clinic for some time now, and just recently has she really started to take to typical food.

Her favorite thing in the world to eat is a banana. When my wife grabs one from the bunch, Zoe hears the sound of it separating from the others and immediately says, or yells "bnnnnaaaannnnnaaaa", and jumps up in the couch. She knows she will be getting some and prepares herself for her bites. When I am in the room, after she takes a bite, she looks at me with the biggest grin and says "nnuuummmy".

I often look back at that little 16 pound baby and remember the pain we went through as we tried to feed her. Like many things in my life, it was a moment I will never forget and often wonder what we did wrong. I know there is nothing we could have done different, but it will always be with me. As parents, we can only do our best and provide as much love as possible. Decisions will come that are hard, and at those times we have to do what our hearts tell us.

Kids are funny

2010-08-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

It's the simplest things in life that can bring out a smile or a laugh in someone. For me, just watching my daughter do some ordinary task can bring joy to my heart. At times there are moments when I stop what I am doing and just laugh.

Last night we were sitting in my chair (as we often do), watching one of the Star Wars episodes. Zoe wasn't really into it, but sat there telling me she loved me in her own words. She would say "I wu uu daddy" and other times "Daddy cute". This went on for about 20 minutes with some hugs and a lot of smiles in between.

However, she stopped all she was doing at one point in the movie. Darth Vadar and the Dark Side Emperor were walking down the hallway talking about the Death Star. As most of you know, Darth Vadar has speakers in his head piece and you hear his deep breathing.

All of a sudden, Zoe starting taking very slow, deep breaths in and out as she imitated Darth Vadar. I stopped watching and looked at her out the side of my eye. She was not paying any attention to me, nor was she doing this for attention. She was just having fun imitating someone else. This went on for about 3 or 4 minutes then she caught me watching her. At that moment she started grinning from ear to ear, as she knew I was about to laugh. I couldn't keep my laughter back, and we both joined together for a few minutes in giggles and smiles.

I never want to miss those moments. We often forget to pay attention to times like that, which bring smiles all around.

Sports and a Dad's Dream

2010-08-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

As a father, most of us dream of the days when we will be teaching our children how to play sports. We will show them how to throw or kick a ball, catch a pass, swing a bat, club or racket and how to play by the rules. Our kids will hopefully be taught all the ways to win or lose with grace, and the main teachings of sportsmanship. Yes, being a father has many perks, one of them being able to pass on our knowledge of sports.

But what happens to our dreams as a father when our child is born with a disability? How do we teach a child how to throw a ball when they have no way of even grabbing one. How do we teach them to kick a ball through a goal when they have a hard time just walking on their own? How do we teach them to swing a baseball bat when they can’t grip around the handle? If they have a hard time walking, how do we teach them to run down the field? If you are like me, some of your dreams were crushed when you found out your child had a disability. There would be no chance to pass on the knowledge we have from our youth. At least that is what I thought until 2 years ago.

Yesterday I was able to watch as Zoe put a soccer ball into the goal for the first time in her life. I sat on the sidelines, like I had always dreamed of, cheering her on, with camera in hand. How was this possible? How could a child who has no knowledge of soccer, become a player in less than 1 day. Actually it’s quite easy after you understand what takes place during the game.

2 years ago I was asked by my wife, what I thought about Zoe playing baseball. I thought she was trying to hurt my feelings, as I knew that was impossible. I asked how could our daughter play baseball when she couldn’t run, throw, catch or hit a ball. There was no way she would be able to play. Even after I was told about typically developing children helping them do all those things along side our child, I still said there was no way. But I didn’t even think about the possibilities until that night. While I was in bed trying to go to sleep, I had visions of another child helping Zoe do all those things while they were on the field. I saw a boy helping her swing, like I would if I would be teaching her to hit the ball for the first time. I saw a boy holding her hand and going through the throwing motion as she tossed the ball to another player. Yes, I realized there was a way for a child with a disability to actually play a sport.

The next day I was excited about my thoughts the night before and shared with my wife that I wanted Zoe to play baseball. Turns out they needed a coach that year for Zoe’s team and asked if I would help them out. Here I went from a father who’s dreams were crushed to a father who realized how shallow minded he was. I am no longer narrow minded when it comes to sports, or any activity.

Yesterday, Zoe had the biggest smile on her face as 2 young girls held her hand and directed her down the soccer field. They walked with her, helping her kick the ball and my wife and I sat on the sidelines, our hearts full of joy.

First Entry

2010-08-13T16:10:00.000-07:00

Hopefully this blog will help other dad's who have children with disabilities realize there are others out there, who are just like them. Trying their best to be a dad to their child. No matter what, don't ever give up and make sure you love your child the best you can!

This blog is dedicated to Zoe, my daughter, who has taught me so much about love and life, despite having disabilities. She has disabilities, her disabilities do not have her! She is 7 years old and lives her life to the fullest.

She has cerebral palsy, cortical visual impairment and developmental delays.

Cerebral palsy describes a group of permanent disorders of the development of movement and posture, causing activity limitation, that are attributed to nonprogressive disturbances that occurred in the developing fetal or infant brain. The motor disorders of cerebral palsy are often accompanied by disturbances of sensation, perception, cognition, communication, and behaviour, by epilepsy, and by secondary musculoskeletal problems.

Of the many types and subtypes of CP, none of them have a known cure. Usually, medical intervention is limited to the treatment and prevention of complications arising from CP's effects.

Cortical Visual Iimpairment is also sometimes known as Cortical Blindness, although most people with CVI are not totally blind. The term Neurological Visual Impairment (NVI) covers both CVI and total cortical blindness. Delayed Visual Maturation, another form of NVI, is similar to CVI, except the child's visual difficulties resolve in a few months. Though the vision of a person with CVI may change, it rarely if ever becomes totally normal.

Developmental delay refers to when a child's development lags behind established normal ranges for his or her age.

At the age of 7, Zoe walks and talks, but has a development of a child somewhere around 3. Her vocabulary has some where around 85 words, but she seems to be adding new ones often.